As we approach Baby Loss Awareness Week (9th – 15th October) and the Wave of Light on Sunday 15th October, we are very grateful to our colleague for sharing her experience to raise awareness and help destigmatise baby loss.
*Trigger warning – due to the nature of the subject matter, some readers may find this article upsetting. Sources of support are provided in the links at the bottom of the article.
In 2019 we started our journey to becoming parents. We were so ready to start a family and bring a little one into our lives. When we found out that I was pregnant we were over the moon. This was such an exciting time for us and all those around us.
I’d like to say that this is where the excitement continued. However, this pregnancy was interrupted. I vividly remember the moment in the ultrasound room with my husband and the sonographer. I felt as though my whole world had shattered. Instead of walking away that day with a cute baby scan to show everyone, we walked away scared, lost and confused. We had lost the hope and the dreams of having a living child.
Following our loss we were able to say our goodbyes and had a quiet, private ceremony at the crematorium. This was a particularly painful time emotionally. I experienced more sad days than I can count.
We found out we were pregnant again a few months after the loss of our first baby. During this pregnancy I had a difficult time managing my anxiety. Midwife appointments and baby scans had now become emotionally challenging events. I remember feeling like something was going to go wrong… I had a haemorrhage early on, and my instant thought was “I am losing this baby”.
Our story had a much happier ending… We now have a bubbly, sassy, gorgeous 3 year old daughter who is absolutely the light of our lives. The journey we went on lead us to her, and we are so grateful every day. All that anxiety, stress and heightened emotion felt worth it.
Hope for the future
My hope in sharing my story is to raise awareness and provide a platform to educate others about the topic of baby loss or pregnancy interruption. I hope to raise the veil and reduce stigma, perhaps something you read here will one day help you or someone you know, or allow you to respectfully listen, have sympathy and understanding.
The support I received from my managers allowed me to take the time I needed to return to work when I was ready. I am now part of Cygnet Women’s Network and have been able to support in the on-going development of a Managers’ Guide to Baby Loss.
As a leader and manager it is important to have as much information as possible about the different types of baby loss or pregnancy interruption, in order to support employees. I have supported Individuals who have experienced their own loss, I believe that having knowledge and understanding of pregnancy loss and interruption provided the support they needed at a difficult time.
I would like to use my experience to educate colleagues on this complex topic.
I have identified some of what I feel are key considerations for those going through this difficult journey:
- Considerations should be made for Individuals in any subsequent pregnancies following loss. This period of time can be a source of great anxiety for the welfare of the baby and things such as baby scans and appointments can be particularly challenging.
- Another consideration is for partners who have experienced loss. Partners can often be side-lined in their emotional experience. However, they have also had a loss. They have also had to support the Individual who has physically experienced the pregnancy loss. Sympathy, understanding and respect are integral in allowing all involved in a loss to feel supported.
There are so many types of pregnancy interruption or loss and I’d like to take a moment to provide more information about these.
- Miscarriage
- Missed miscarriage
- Molar pregnancy
- TFMR (Termination for medical reasons)
- Stillbirth
- Termination of pregnancy
All of these types of loss or interruption of pregnancy should be treated equally. Pregnancy loss or interruption can be an extremely emotive topic and cause mixed personal feelings. However, as a manager it is important to recognise any unconscious bias and be empathetic to the individuals in this situation. What we must remember is that once a pregnancy has begun, that child existed for its parents and will never be forgotten.
On October 15th every year babies lost are remembered through the Wave of Light. This special event encourages lighting a candle at 7pm on 15th October for 1 hour to remember those babies.